i-am-radscum:

fuckyeahsexeducation:

Since I want to do more research and get more feedback on Trans Sexuality before I do a post I think tomorrow I’m just going to go ahead and do BDSM toys so that I actually make a post. SO! Anyone have any imput for BDSM? Specific toys you’d recommend or things you want to make sure make their way into the post? Tips for first timers?

I have a tip for first timers:

IF YOU LIKE HITTING PEOPLE YOU ARE FUCKED UP

IF YOU LIKE BEING HIT YOU ARE FUCKED UP

stop plz

how is it fucked up to be interested in sexual exploration, enjoying being hit during sex or w/e doesn’t necessarily mean that you enjoy being abused, shouldn’t it be about the individuals interests?

shouldn’t you butt out?

femalestruggle:

cannedkitty:

psychogeographicalsomaticism:

offcamera:

It’s not that porn lovers don’t know that rape is an inevitable consequence of continuing the porn industry. They just accept it as an operating cost.

The prevalence of rape has actually decreased since porn has become…

Video games? Yeah, except they are NOT real. Pornography requires REAL people doing REAL things. There’s a significant difference. 

what is your point the facts are still there

stating that porn is real people doing real things doesn’t make porn related rape actually happen and doesn’t make your response valid. did you ever stop to think that people expressing themselves sexually in an open way for other people to watch at their leisure and for a large sum of money is a POSITIVE thing?

positive for everyone?

oh no of course not. it all falls under the FEMALE STRUGGLE

so i decided to put together my own post! (please let me know if any of this information is innacurate, i will list my sources though!)

Erectile dysfunction (or impotence) is the inability to get and/or keep an erection that allows sexual activity with penetration. Erectile dysfunction isn’t a disease, but a symptom of some other problem – physical, psychological or a mixture of both. 

It is normal to experience the occasional bout of erectile dysfunction. Unless it persists, there is no reason to be concerned. Ongoing erectile dysfunction should be investigated by a doctor.

Treatments for erectile dysfunction include medications given orally (by mouth), vacuum devices, counselling, injections directly into the penis or penile prosthetic implants. 

Causes of erectile dysfunction

It was once thought that erectile dysfunction was mainly caused by psychological factors, such as anxiety or depression. In fact, most cases of erectile dysfunction are actually caused by physical illness. 

Erectile dysfunction can be due to:

• Physical illness – erectile dysfunction is frequently associated with conditions affecting the blood flow in the penis. Diabetes, high cholesterol, hypertension, cigarette smoking and obesity are frequently involved and there is a strong association between erectile dysfunction and cardiac disease.
• Psychological factors – a man’s sexual drive or performance can be affected by stress such as problems at work, relationship difficulties or financial worries. Psychiatric conditions and feeling depressed or anxious about poor sexual performance can also result in a failed erection. About one in ten cases of erectile dysfunction is caused by psychological factors only.
• A combination of physical illness and psychological factors – physical problems with maintaining an erection may cause the man to feel anxious about sexual performance, which makes the problem worse.
• Unknown – in a few cases, neither physical nor psychological causes are obvious. More often it is now assumed that vascular disease is the underlying cause.

Don’t worry about occasional failure to get or keep an erection. This is normal. Some of the causes include drinking too much alcohol, anxiety and tiredness. 

Ongoing erectile dysfunction should be investigated

While occasional erectile dysfunction is normal, ongoing erectile dysfunction can be a symptom of a serious physical illness. It is important that any ongoing problems are fully investigated by your doctor to check for any underlying medical cause that may also require treatment. This may include heart and blood vessel diseases, diabetes, high blood pressure or high cholesterol. 

Once you find out whether your erectile dysfunction stems from physical or psychological causes, you can get the proper course of treatment.

Treatment for erectile dysfunction

There are many treatments for erectile dysfunction. These include:

• Changing your prescription drugs if they are the cause
• Psychotherapy and counselling
• Oral medications (tablets) such as Viagra®, Cialis® and Levitra®
• External vacuum devices to create blood flow
• Injections directly into the penis (penile injections)
• Hormone therapy (rarely given)
• Penile prosthetic implants.

The initial approach is to treat the underlying cause if one has been identified, or if not, to use treatments to promote a better erection.

It is usual to start with the least invasive treatment, such as tablets, and to recommend more complicated injection treatments or surgery if that fails.

View any over-the-counter products that claim to treat or cure erectile dysfunction with caution and use only under the supervision of a doctor. Some products are expensive and may not have been adequately tested for either their side effects or results. 

other links / sources

• http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Impotence 
• http://www.abc.net.au/health/library/stories/2008/02/14/2160484.htm
• http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Erectile-dysfunction/Pages/Treatment.aspx
• http://www.streetdirectory.com/travel_guide/25375/medical_conditions/generic_viagra_helps_those_with_erectile_dysfunction.html

sexreeducated:

Sexual pain is common, but can usually be cured.
Published on May 15, 2012 by Michael Castleman, M.A. in All About Sex

Many women suffer sexual pain, chronic genital pain independent of lovemaking, and/or pain during sex. The landmark “Sex In America” survey estimates that sexual pain afflicts 20 percent of American women—15 percent before menopausal, 33 percent after.

Until recently, many doctors dismissed women’s genital pain (dyspareunia or vulvodynia) as “neurotic,” which left them doubly wounded—in pain and put down. Some men don’t believe women’s complaints of sexual pain. A few even believe that sex should hurt women. Wrong.

Pain is a mind-body experience with physical and emotional components. Stress, anxiety, and depression aggravate pain. It’s important to identify both the physical and psychological components because each responds to different treatments. If one component resists treatment, it may help to treat the other.

Sex Should Never Hurt

Attention, men: Except for consensual BDSM, sex should never hurt. Some men feel so eager to plunge into intercourse that they dismiss women’s complaints of pain. Big mistake. If sex hurts her, she can’t become aroused, which means lousy sex for both of you.

Most Sexual Pain Can Be Cured

In a two-year study, two-thirds of women with sexual pain reported significant improvement. The many causes include:

Lack of Lubrication

Poorly lubricated intercourse is a major cause of women’s pain. Many perfectly normal women don’t produce much vaginal lubrication. After 40, as women become menopausal, lubrication problems become increasingly prevalent. Cunnilingus can supplement women’s natural vaginal lubrication. But any woman who feels dry and irritated should use a commercial lubricant—lots of it.

Nonsensual Lovemaking

Before they can enjoy intercourse comfortably, most women need considerable warm-up time, 30 to 45 minutes. If men push in before women feel receptive, the women experience pain. Pain-free lovemaking is based on leisurely, playful, whole-body massage. Men should slow down, then slow down some more. Intercourse can wait. Give women all the time they need to become relaxed, aroused, and receptive. Sex therapists recommend at least 30 minutes of kissing, cuddling, mutual whole-body massage, and oral sex before attempting intercourse.

Inserting Too Quickly Or Deeply

Even if women are well lubricated and feel highly aroused, they may experience pain if men push in too forcefully. Don’t imitate porn. The vagina is not a hollow space. It’s tightly folded muscle tissue that relaxes as women warm up to sex, and yields most comfortably when the penis enters slowly.

Deep insertion may also cause pain, especially during rear-entry (doggie style). To enjoy this position without pain, the man should remain still and allow the woman to back onto the penis at her own pace. This way, women can lalert men to the depth they can comfortably accommodate. And in the woman-on-top position, again, the man should remain still so the woman can sit down on him, controlling the speed and depth of insertion for her comfort.

Relationship Issues

If relationships cause women emotional pain, sex may trigger physical pain. For relationship issues, consult a couples counselor or sex therapist (below).

Birth Control Pills

An expert says today’s birth control pills are “a leading causes of women’s sexual pain.” Andrew Goldstein, M.D., editor of Female Sexual Pain Disorders, says the Pill causes overproduction of sex hormone-binding globulin, which attaches to vulvar tissue, and causes biochemical changes that produce pain. Goldstein says that women with sexual pain should get off the Pill and take supplemental estrogen and androgens to normalize their levels. With this treatment, he says most women with Pill-related pain are cured in six months.

Vulvar Skin Conditions

Women’s external genital skin is sensitive to irritation from douching, pubic shaving, sunburn, latex allergy from condoms, or contact dermatitis from harsh or perfumed soaps, feminine hygiene products, or underwear made from synthetic fabrics. If the vulva appears red or irritated, consult a physician.

Sexually Transmitted Infections

Chlamydia, genital warts, and pelvic inflammatory disease may cause pain on intercourse. If pain persists despite increased sensuality and lubrication, see a doctor for screening.

Other Vaginal Infections

Vaginal yeast or bacterial infection (vaginosis) may cause sexual pain, which may feel worse the day after lovemaking. Women in pain should be tested.

Emotional and Sexual Trauma

It may take many years for early life trauma to manifest as pain. Sex therapy can help. So can the excellent book, Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines (Cleis Press).

Oxalate Irritation

Some foods contain oxalates. Women sensitive to them may develop urethral irritation, which can cause pain. High-oxalates foods include: celery, coffee, chocolate, rhubarb, spinach, and strawberries. The Vulvar Pain Foundation (vulvarpainfoundation.org) publishes a more extensive list. It can take three to six months on a low-oxalate diet to experience improvement. Oxalate irritation may also improve with a calcium citrate supplement (Citracal).

Vaginismus

Vaginismus causes pelvic muscle spasm, which closes the vagina. In mild cases, intercourse causes discomfort. In severe cases, insertion is impossible and attempts cause sharp pain. Ask your doctor to check for vaginismus. It’s best treated by a physician-sex therapist team. Therapy includes Kegel exercises, biofeedback, and insertion of graduated dilator rods that gradually coax the vagina open.

Vulvar Vestibulitis (VV)

This poorly understood condition involves inflammation of the tiny vestibular glands inside the vagina. Testing for VV, involves pressing a Q-tip into this tissue. In women with VV, Q-tip pressure causes sharp pain. Some VV clears up with time and lubrication. Other treatments include: biofeedback, Kegel exercises, a low-oxalate diet, a support group, and surgery to remove the glands (vestibulectomy).

Other Conditions

Women’s sexual pain may also be caused by: uterine prolapse, endometriosis, interstitial cystitis, irritable bowel syndrome, and gynecological cancers. A work-up should investigate all of them.

For more on genital/sexual pain, contact: the International Pelvic Pain Society or the National Vulvodynia Association, or the Vulvar Pain Foundation. Or consult a sex therapist by visiting the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

Message to Men

If women complain of genital/sexual pain, don’t criticize them for sabotaging sex. Instead, slow things down, use lubricant, embrace whole-body caressing, and urge her to consult a physician. If that doesn’t resolve the problem, as a couple, consult a sex therapist. Remember, for great sex, intercourse is not necessary. You can enjoy mutual pleasure using your hands, tongues, and toys. Women appreciate men who take their pain seriously, men who are patient and supportive during its evaluation and treatment.

(I apologize for the gendering)

i’m reblogging this here because i think this is quite important and i’d like this to at least be a SOMEWHAT sex positive blog

permutationofninjas:

theunisexbrigade:

I think all sexism is stupid and only serves to harm, rather than help… Nonetheless, I am posting this because it makes a valid point. 

Women complain that the term “slut” is used negatively against them when they “act like men.” They also have a general attitude that women are incapable of having sex for the very things the accuse men of having sex for. The general idea among women, it seems, is that they are “above all that” and never take advantage of men like men take advantage of women.

Some men like to have sex with a lot of people. Some men will lie to get into someones pants. Everyone in agreement here? Good. 

Okay, try and stay with me for this one: Some women like to have sex with a lot of people. Some women will lie to get into someones pants. Some women will have sex for material items, for money, and generally for greedy, selfish reason.

When you try to bring this up in a conversation among certain ladies, they will become very offended and defensive and deny this, while turning the subject back on how horrible, selfish, and piggish men are. 

You are likely to hear something like this in the conversation: “All men are the same!” Except they’re not. And it shouldn’t be assumed that all women are the same either. But just as you shouldn’t assume that an entire gender is all bad, you should also not assume that an entire gender is all good; and that, audience, is what certain feminists seem to be playing at.

tl;dr: If women actually started acting like men with regards to sex the term “slut” would lose all meaning.  ”Slut” only has meaning because of “sexual economy”, the idea that women “sell” sex and men “buy” it, but if women stopped using sex as a weapon/tool/meal ticket the model would break down.

It relates to the theory of sexual economy, too.  Because our culture sets women up as providers of sex and men as consumers of sex, the paradigm doesn’t *allow* for a man to function in a way that would acquire the label.

To use another example, say, televisions:  If someone has fifty Zony TV’s, he’s rich and impressive.  If everyone has a Zony TV, we think they’re cheap TV’s because everyone can afford one.  The manufacturer is seen as prestigious by selling few at high prices, whereas the consumer is seen as prestigious if they can buy many at any price.  (If everybody has a Rolex, we wouldn’t consider them special.  If I have ten Rolexes, I’m very, very rich.  Pick whichever luxury product you want.)

Apply it to sex, and male “consumers” of sex, and we see the problem.  A man who has sex with many women is “rich” and thus prestigious (and one who has none is “poor” and thus poor), whereas a woman who has sex with many men is “cheap”, and thus not and a woman who limits her partners and successfully demands a lot from each is considered “expensive” and thus prestigious.  Women are the only ones that can get the label because women and men aren’t even playing the same game.  (The male equivalent would be “virgin-shaming”, which happens more than most might think.)

The other case is the one at the bottom of the photo.  Because of the sexual economy, women have sexual privilege.  That is, most women who are willing to have sex without some form of gain or difficulty on the part of the man can effectively have as much sex as they want, whenever they want.  ”Sleeping around” is seen as misuse of this privilege.

If women stopped trying to use sex for control, monetary gain and other similar, the term “slut” would eventually cease to be meaningful.  ”Slut” only makes sense in a paradigm with women as sellers and men as buyers.  If people simply had sex for pleasure, and thus had relatively easy access to sex depending on their own sex drive the amount of sex they ended up having wouldn’t be considered important.  

Rather than TV’s, it’s more like Coke.  Pretty much everybody can buy Coke, and they can buy pretty much as much as they want of it.  If I want ten bottles and the other guy wants two, nobody really cares because it’s about what we want, not what we can have.  (You’ll note that there is no real provider in this example, because men and women are on the same field as consumers, the “cost” being the effort to go out and find a partner.)  Sure, the guy with none might be seen as a little weird and the guy who’s got a fridge and pantry stocked with a hundred bottles a little obsessive, but for the most part (as mentioned) we just don’t care.

Which would you rather?

privilegedenyingfeministcunt:

The only issue I have with this theory in practice is that the same thing done by one that’s seen as empowering might, done for different reasons, be seen as derogatory.

Two main examples come to mind. The first one is that if a woman dresses in a very sexual manner, she’s described as empowered by feminists. But the minute a woman dresses in that same manner, but in front of a camera, and an image of her like that ends up in a magazine or on a billboard, feminists are up in arms about how it’s misogynistic, even though it’s the same thing, just displayed to a wider audience. 

The second is sex. If a woman sleeps around, she’s owning her sexuality or whatnot. But the minute it’s done on film for the enjoyment of others, again, MISOGYNY. 

Why is it okay for women to walk down the street in nearly nothing, but completely degrading to do it in a photoshoot or for a TV show or movie? Why is it okay for a woman to fuck as many guys or girls as she’d like in real life, but not okay for her to do it in a pornographic setting? 

Oh, right, because the latter of both those statements might possibly cater to male sexuality, and we all know that teh menz are evil rapists.

But what if directly or indirectly catering to male sexuality makes some women feel empowered? What then? 

mindmanacles:

According to my father, a woman’s most valuable asset is her virginity.

He also claims that regardless of how much this does not make sense to me now, I will understand it once I gain some maturity.

I feel like an idiot.

Is there anyone mature enough on this website to clearly explain why this is true?

it’s not necessarily true, if your dad is more traditional he might think that but you don’t have to listen to him, a lot of people try to change the opinions of their parents / grandparents without realising that they are from a completely different time. they are bound to say things that are somewhat sexist or close minded. but you can live your own life.

you just have to remember that you are allowed to have your own opinions and he is allowed to have his, just because he’s your dad doesn’t mean you have to do everything he says.

however this article might show you some insight into his train of thought, if that’s what you are looking for. he is most likely just looking out for you and trying to keep you safe!

worldsweburntogether:

First of all, it speaks volumes that you think that porn is an accurate representation of sex. 

Second of all, my sex life and sexual experience is completely irrelevant. However, I am well versed in what consensual sex looks like. It involves two people who are actively involved in the act. Obviously you are confused about what this means. 

This might be hard to understand if your concepts of sex come from pornography (particularly mainstream heterosexual pornography), but consensual sex actually involves TWO PEOPLE, not one person humping another person who lies their passively. The whole idea of a man “doing all the work” while a woman just lies their is a myth rooted in patriarchy and old Victorian notions about women’s sexuality. 

If that is really your understanding of my logic, then there has clearly been a miscommunication here. Either that or you are creating a terrible strawman. 

My argument is that the agressor, regardless of gender, is the rapist. 

Statistically, the aggressors are more likely to be male, but this statistical fact has no bearing on how anyone should determine who the guilty party is. 

First of all, it is. No, really. Look it up and how many kids actually learn ‘how’ to have sex via porn. I’m serious. Real world and all, outside all those little pep-talks in school or on the internet. After years spent as a sex-worker I can’t even begin to recount on the amount of people I’ve come across who not only believe it, but act upon such belief. 

I mean, what do you think sex is? Fluffy cuddles in front of a romantic fire, gazing deeply into each others eyes? Go out into the real world, get laid. You’ll realize very quickly that more often than not, it’s pretty damn much like porn. You might not get a facial, you might not be into the same kinky stuff that happens, but if you’re a heterosexual individual, your sex is probably going to consist of the female in some sort of receiving position and not doing a hell of a lot other than receiving, while the male thrusts. This is common practice for most any mating species, particularly among mammals, and particularly among primates. Like us. There is generally a great deal more effort put into the thrusting side of penetrative sex than the receiving side. It’s not always the case, but it’s usually the case.

It’s not about patriarchy. It’s about the basic human animal. Sexual instinct, mating games, whatever. Funny enough, a lot of things based around the concept of ‘patriarchy’ are really just aspects of human evolution. 

But what do I know. I’ve only studied gender and sociology for 12 years.

And yes, obviously, the aggressor would be the rapist. If they were being aggressive. But passivity does not equate nonconsent. 

And no, statistically men are just as likely as women to be the victim. Do some research, or at least check my last post to my previous post with citations on the subject, because I don’t feel like repeating it over and over and over.

i didn’t learn that sex meant the penis actually goes inside the vagina until i was 14 and i saw a porn film by accident :c (even after i’d been through sex ed)

i think the only difference between porn and real sex is that it’s more glamorous and porn stars are generally far more experienced at it than regular people, generally last longer, do more inventive things and they tend to fake it (the females do anyway) but it is pretty accurate to a certain degree and yeah people do tend to try things out that they have seen in porn.

worldsweburntogether:

Looking for an honest answer. I keep seeing “women should be proud of their sexuality” and anti-slut shaming, yet prostitution is a terrible thing. 

Why? She’s making money by her own means. Sex. Prostitution is not necessarily detrimental, nor degrading, and the people who pay for prostitutes are not always looking for control. Hell, I’m not sure why that’s even a decided concept. Generally if a person is looking for sex, they probably just want sex. 

Or maybe they just have a fetish they’re a bit ashamed of and want to hide, or that they can’t get fulfilled freely. I’m fairly certain hiring a dominatrix to whip you into submission and have you lick her feet is not a method of controlling her, for example.

it’s the same as feminists who think that BDSM is degrading to women even if the women consent to it, even if they opt to be submissive to the man (they usually pretend not to pay attention when you ask them about dominatrixes though)

if a woman is consenting to something then that is her choice, the sex industry is not “harming all women” i think it’s actually highly beneficial to men and women, women who are in the sex industry make amazing amounts of money and they get to do something that most people enjoy. they are never forced into doing something they don’t want to do, they are offered a certain amount of money to do something and if they are uncomfortable with it they can decline. (this applies to prostitution AND pornography)

zenyattagal:

If all parties consent

And that consent is not later withdrawn

And that consent wasn’t coerced

It is not abuse or rape.

So, BDSM:

Both (or all, if more than two) consent of their own free will. Meaning no drugs/alcohol in their systems, no bribery set up to encourage sex, no threats. All parties are mentally competent to make sexual decisions for themselves.

A safe word/action is negotiated upon.

Limits are set.

Activity begins which can range from light bondage to acts with extreme emotional and physical stress.

Neither partner reaches their limits or uses their safeword. They don’t experience “bad pain” (Distressing pain that isn’t supposed to be there.) If they do experience this, they use their word and the dominant stops the play immediately.

The activity is ended either by a safeword, or simply reaching the end of the scene.

All parties discuss the session and make sure they feel safe and secure afterwords. Physical injuries, if any, are addressed. Etc.

That is not abuse. That is consensual activity between two or more people.

It doesn’t matter if *gasp* the dominant was a man and the bottom was a woman. It doesn’t matter what gender the top was and what gender the bottom was. If they both consented as I outlined above, and they either didn’t reach their limits or the scene was ended as soon as that limit was reached, there is no way to reclassify it as anything else.

So feminists, can you stop with the “dominant men are evil, cruel patriarchy enforcers” crap? (And can you stop pretending that most dominants are men even though dominatrices are a huge percentage of dominants?) It’s getting really old. And what about two men or two women? Do you think it’s still abuse then? Is a dominant woman still a patriarchy enforcer?

Some people have gone as far as to say that anyone who wants to be hurt during sex is incapable of giving consent in the first place. Let me tell you that this is bullshit.

I’m a lesbian. I am also more submissive than you could believe. I haven’t actually had sex yet, but I know what my hard limits are and if I find a dominant partner, those limits will be made clear to them as well. I am perfectly competent to decide these things for myself. Most dominant partners care about their submissive deeply- they both just happen to have matching fantasies. (Not to mention partners who switch.) My potential partner will be no different.

It amazes me that you can campaign for the government to stay out of your body and yet then go around and stick yourself in other’s bedrooms to judge their consensual sexual activity. It’s none of your business. And if you think it upholds the patriarchy, you are delusional.

Stop judging us. We have the right to use our own bodies as we see fit. If an actual rape or abuse occurs? Yeah, then it’s society’s business. But normal, healthy BDSM isn’t even in the same neighborhood.

We’ll enjoy our kinks how we want to. Go work on a real patriarchal issue.