Tell all male rape victims they aren’t victims of rape. Right now. To their faces. Tell those traumatized little boys and young men and older men that what happened was not rape because they’re privileged. I dare you.
i had a really hard time fully grasping the concept of male rape until i met my boyfriend. i had never met males who talked openly about being raped or molested, and tv shows and news papers and people just.. never made it seem like it happened or like it was a thing.
despite my complete ignorance at first, he was one of the only people who related to what i went through as a kid. he was the first person i trusted enough, who i felt comfortable enough with, sharing what had happened with me. i knew he got it and his being a man didn’t change that. he had felt the same things. he had lived the same things.
for that reason i kind of take it personally when people try to deny male victimhood and male rape. i get angry for him, now. i get angry because while he’s used to people brushing it off, i’m not.
when someone says male rape and molestation aren’t real, or they try to say that it’s an insignificant issue, it tears at every inch of my body. it rips me open. they’re literally saying that the pain felt by the person i love most is not real. that it does not matter. that his experience is invalid.
having watched him relive what happened, having spent nights listening to him jolt awake because of it, having startled him accidentally with a touch he wasn’t expecting and seeing flashes of panic, i can never be okay with that sentiment or implication.
i can never be okay with a person, movement, or belief system that looks to ignore that.
it insults my very being.
And here is why:
Almost all of the time, when a man objectifies a woman, he is physically able to force her to move from just being “admired” to actually having to be a sexual object for him. Simply put, he has the power to sexually assault her. So then, every “positive” comment, every cat call, every objectification, becomes a threat, because that man can decide to take it too far, and there is little the woman could do about it. That is why it is different. Objectification of anyone is wrong, particularly in a Christian context, but objectification of women by men is particularly problematic.
[ emphasis mine. ]
Perhaps if we didn’t live in a rape culture, it would be different. Unfortunately, that is not the case.
excuse me, what evidence do you have to support this, at the moment all you are really doing is saying it’s this way and not backing it up.
who are you to say no women can sexually assault men? women CAN sexually assault men, and they do. women have that power, to imply they can’t implies that women are powerless but also that men are always powerful?
which is just reinforcing negative gender stereotypes????????????????
sorry if i’m too concerned about focusing on 98-99% of rapists and the culture that excuses their behavior? women are frequently stripped of power by it, which doesn’t mean they don’t have power but that men are disempowering them.
wow that was a really fucking credible source omg i’m shocked
luckily for you i know where that information came from! and i know it’s bullshit
99% of men were apparently rapists according to a study done on 2000 COLLEGE MEN, who were asked questions ranging from “have you ever forced a woman to have sex with you” to “have you ever had sex while drunk” “have you ever had sex while under the influence of any drugs” “have you ever had rough sex”
99% of COLLEGE MEN answered yes to “one or more of the above questions”
99% OF MEN APPARENTLY ADMITTED TO RAPING A WOMAN UNDER THE LEGAL DEFINTION which of course, as we all know is worded in such a way to be exclusive of male rape victims and to cover a broader range of women having sex with men.
this is what we like to call RAPE SORCERY. also please bring me some better sources next time so i don’t have to explain your own statistics to you smh
This is often cited as a major difference between misogyny and misandry, and a reason for the latter not to be taken seriously. “There may be individual instances of women hating men”, erasers will argue, “but there is no institutional oppression of men like there is of women”. I’m going to examine that claim.
Institutional discrimination against women that has existed:
- Not allowed to vote
- Not allowed to work
- Not allowed to fight
- Limited reproductive rights
- Negative/minimal/objectified representation in the media
- Minority presence in positions of power
Looking at this, we can immediately see that women were/are oppressed by society, and the leaders they have elected (whether politically, or by creating a demand for a certain product or show). Undoubtedly there are other instances of discrimination which I haven’t listed, but these are the major ones which I hear cited.
Institutional discrimination against men that has existed:
- Mostly not allowed to voteThis doesn’t only apply to women. Limited suffrage was more about class than it was sex, and so poor men, or men who weren’t the head of a household, were also unable to vote. This issue, then is not nearly so black and white as it is often portrayed. “A few individuals could vote, who happened to be men” is a very different issue to “all men could vote and all women couldn’t”, as it is usually described. The law didn’t just discriminate against women, because they were women.
- Expected/forced to workThe video linked there also explains that the greater burden of work is still placed upon men by the law, making this double standard very institutional in the present day. Some men could vote because they owned property, but it isn’t as if this is all that there was to it. This privilege was earned. Men had to work for their money, whereas women only had to marry a man and sponge off of him for their whole life. Women were mostly looked after, whereas nobody was looking after men. Poorer men were sent to work in factories or down mines, where thousands were killed. They had to work because they were men, and solely for that reason. This was hardly a one-sided privilege, then. Women faced a great amount of privilege in being seen as weak. Society still dictates that men work in harder, more stressful jobs for longer hours and retire later. They then face a much higher rate of suicide, are at higher risk of heart disease, and die earlier naturally - something which stress has been shown to cause. This is in the modern day, and the money that they are paid for this disproportionate burden is once again often spent on women, who men are expected to care for financially. This is in no way a privilege of men over women. Both sides suffer, and there could even be an argument that men suffer more.In the modern world, many claim that women still face institutional discrimination in the form of a ‘wage gap’. That may be true, but if it was then it would in no way detract from the suffering of men as mentioned above. It may also not be true, and there is significant evidence to suggest that.
- Expected/forced to fightA similar issue can be seen here. Men have been sent out to be slaughtered in their millions throughout history, simply because they were men, and that was their duty to society. Often they had no legal choice, and would be imprisoned or executed for refusing, and more recently they have faced intense societal pressure and been shamed as a coward if they said no. Women, by contrast, benefited from the privilege of protection whilst facing almost none of the risk. Complaining that ‘not being allowed to be massacred’ is solely discrimination against women is therefore ridiculous. More men than women throughout history have died because of institutional sexism.
- Limited reproductive rightsStatements such as “women don’t have the right to an abortion in some states, therefore men have more reproductive rights than women” are misleading. Men don’t have the right to an abortion either. Men don’t have free birth control either. Men actually have fewer options than women do, and their only option is one which detracts from their pleasure. Once they have had sex without a condom, they lose all control. Women have just as much right to buy a condom as men do, by the way, which already places them on equal footing. But if a woman gets drunk and has sex without a condom she can do anything from taking pills to have a foetus aborted if she doesn’t want to have children. Men can do nothing. If a man gets drunk and has sex, it’s the woman who took advantage of him’s choice whether or not he becomes a father and faces a massive legal responsibility. That’s not trivial matter, because child support is an incredibly burden (I highly recommend looking at this). Psychologically this is also a problem. If a man is raped, he is completely powerless to stop his rapist from having his child. Imagine how that would feel. When you compare them with women, men have actually drawn the short straw where reproductive rights are concerned. Any efforts to improve the choice for men fail, because they don’t get any sort of financial backing, whereas efforts to improve the existing abundance of choice for women are instantly championed by the government and have money thrown at them. This, then, is institutional oppression against men just as much as women, if not more.
- Negative/minimal/objectified representation in the mediaMen are the dominant presence when it comes to media representation, but again the issue isn’t as one-sided as it seems. Whilst men do make up the majority of positive portrayals, they also make up the majority of negative ones. A combination of feminist campaigns to have more positive female characters and the implicit stereotype that men make better villains have led to this becoming unbalanced: men are mostly shown as negative. Violence against men is also seen as acceptable, both in fiction and non-fiction media, which perpetuates a society in which men are at a much greater risk of violence.I’m not denying that female representation is bad; I only want to point out that men don’t have it great either. Disney princesses are ridiculous, but this isn’t one-sided. Female superheroes are objectified, but this isn’t one-sided. Speaking of objectification, men face a lot of that. Not only are we becoming more and more objectified for our bodies, with unnecessary topless men everywhere you look (making other men insecure, treating men as sex objects, detracting from their worth in other areas, and so on), but we have always been objectified for other things. Women have been treated as objects and valued on their beauty, and men have been treated as objects and valued on their wealth and power.Men not being portrayed as beautiful is actually also a problem. Men are generally portrayed as dull, crude, fat, hairy, ugly, smelly, repulsive, sex-obsessed beasts. Women are frequently worshipped as being sophisticated, beautiful works of art. It’s objectification of women, which is awful, but the imbalance also affects the other side. Women are seen as too attractive, and men aren’t seen as attractive enough.
- Expected to have powerOut of the above list, this is the only one which truly resembles a privilege for men. However, as I have just stated, men are objectified for power. Men being seen as powerful is good for them, yes, in the same way as women being seen as beautiful is good for them. But, as with that case, objectification and unrealistic expectations follow. Like any other stereotype, this one can work both ways. Power is a lot more complex than you might think.
- Allowed to be rapedI mentioned above that men could be raped. Legally, of course, they can’t. The FBI used to define rape as something that happens only to women, which is patently ridiculous, and institutional erasing of male victims. We campaigned, and they changed it so that men can now be raped by other men. Female rapists are still enabled. Male victims of female rapists are still erased - institutionally. It isn’t just the FBI, though: rape laws in most countries discriminate against men at a de jure level.Not only is this institutionalised misandry in principle, but it has more indirect effects. It skews rape statistics, for one thing. It stops male rape being taken seriously by wider society (it is even used as a punchline frighteningly often by the media). It teaches us that rape is something that only men do, and this opens up a whole new arena for institutional misandry - not just against male rape victims, but against men in general. There are a worrying number of people who think it acceptable to treat all men as rapists, purely on the basis of these statistics. Indeed, many supposed anti-rape campaigns work with this message. Firstly, that’s as offensive as treating all black people as criminals, or all Muslims as terrorists. It’s also institutionalised: men are sexually profiled as rapists much as black people may by racially profiled as thieves. Even worse, it has become institutional to such an extent that it is now acceptable to attack a man because he looks like a potential rapist. It’s legally okay for the police to arrest them for being men, and it’s okay for women to assault them for being men. If that isn’t institutional discrimination, nothing is. False rape accusations (they happen) can then be made, playing into this biased system, and men suffer once again. I’m not trying to claim that false accusations are more important than rape itself: men suffer greatly from the prevalence of real rape, and how under-reported it is, and so I wouldn’t be fighting for men’s rights if I did. However, false accusations can still ruin a man’s life and send him to prison, where he may very well be raped himself.As well as other rape, men are especially stereotyped and treated as potential paedophiles: we are much more comfortable having women around our children, and many businesses have decided to take their bias and institutionalise it.
- Allowed to be abusedThis is a similar situation. The law, and those who enforce it, do not take male victims of domestic violence seriously - and neither does wider society. It’s a hidden crime, and a surprisingly prevalent one.
- Allowed to be genitally mutilatedFemale circumcision is illegal in the Western world. Male circumcision isn’t, despite occurring without the child’s consent, being dangerous and causing more harm than good . This is something which we don’t question, but which we really should.
- Criminally profiledI’ve mentioned racial profiling, and I want to demonstrate that sexual profiling is also a think. The victims of racial profiling are usually young black men. They are profiled because they are black, but also because they are men. Men are seen as intrinsically more violent, crude, and untrustworthy than women, just as black people are seen as intrinsically more so than white people. That’s the theory, and the statistics support it. Men are disproportionately arrested, convicted, sentenced for longer, denied parole, and sentenced to death more frequently than women for the same crime. This bias is actually more prevalent than the tendency to disproportionately charge black people: sexual profiling is actually more of a thing than racial profiling. Instead of asking police “is it because I’m black?”, we should be asking them “is it because I’m a man?”, because the latter is likely to be having more of an influence on their judgement. This is another concrete example of institutional discrimination against men, based on stereotypes, that has spread throughout the whole system. Not only the police officers arresting more men because of their bias, not only juries convicting more men because of their bias, not only judges being harsh on men because of their bias, but the government also tries to step in and order them to be nicer to female criminals because girls can’t actually be mean in the same way as big nasty men can. I urge you to read these two explanations.It also works the other way: you’re much more likely to be convicted etcetera if your victim was a woman, because nobody cares about violence or theft or whatever against men. Rape and domestic violence, as already mentioned, are especially disproportionate.
- EducationAs a microcosm of wider society, schools are going to show the same biases as the outside world. Courts disproportionately punish men, and so teachers are going to disproportionately punish boys. This was my experience, fits the theory, and now there are facts to support it.
- Father’s rightsThese are the most well-known cases of anti-male discrimination by biased courts, and they are championed by the most politically powerful arms of the men’s rights movement. I therefore won’t explore them too much myself, because there is such a wealth of information out there (for example). These statistics are most worrying.As before, there are undoubtedly other instances of discrimination which I haven’t listed. As before, we can immediately see that men are oppressed. It is irrelevant whether or not men are the ones in power. Even a country entirely run by men can have institutional discrimination against men, it would just have to be internalised. As I have explained, our gender roles were not created by men. The patriarchy is a natural system which has been evolved to help us to survive. It’s holding us back now, but it is not the fault of any single group. Society created it, society perpetuates it, and society enforces it. Men aren’t the only villains but, even if they were, other men could still be their victims.
I’m not claiming that men are the only, or the ‘real victims’, of sexism either. Wherever there is misandry, there is misogyny. I’m only trying to point out that the opposite is also true; wherever there is misogyny, there is misandry. That includes institutional discrimination: as this post has hopefully demonstrated. I’m not trying to deny male privilege, I’m just pointing out that certain female privileges exist as well - and that many of them are institutional.
I seriously can’t fathom how angry feminists get, saying that people should just shut up about false rape accusations because GUIZE HOW OFTEN DOES THAT ACTUALLY HAPPEN I MEAN RLY PEOPLE GET RAPED WAY MORE THAN PEOPLE LIE ABOUT RAPE. YOU WANT A SOURCE? FUCK YOU I DON’T HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING TO YOU. RAPE CULTURE BLUH BLUH ONLY WOMEN SUFFER.
Disgusting. Imagine how you’d feel if everywhere you went people glared at you. Imagine if whenever you moved some where you had to tell people you were some deplorable criminal when you AREN’T but NO ONE will believe you. Imagine going to prison and getting raped daily because of a crime you DIDN’T COMMIT. Imagine being fired from your job or kicked out of school for something you didn’t do.
You really think women have no power whatsoever? Are you that set on clinging to your victimhood that you refuse to acknowledge how serious false rape accusations are? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You’re not the only victim in the fucking world. You talk about being a decent human being, about having respect for others, and then you turn around and say false rape accusations aren’t important? Aren’t a real issue? Disgusting.
A kid at my school got falsely accused of rape (search “Hofstra false rape case”, “Danmell Ndonye”). A girl had sex with him and two of his friends, and didn’t want her boyfriend to find out, so she said she got raped. There was a trial. Each guy got kicked out of school and fired from their job. People on campus, male and female, were constantly sending these boys death threats.
She recanted her story. You know why? Because one of the boys took a video of the event, and in the video the girl is smiling and laughing and clearly consenting. And those boys lives are ruined because this girl decided not to take responsibility for her mistake and instead fuck up someone else entirely.
I can’t believe people actually think that false rape accusations aren’t a big deal. I can’t stand this ridiculous victim complex people are encouraging so much today.
So. Rape culture. We’re told it’s how we blame the victim for getting raped as opposed to blaming the victim for doing the raping. The whole don’t tell me not to get raped tell men not to rape….because only men rape. Anyway I’m not gonna get into how that’s sexist. What I want to get into is the feminist response to the following logic.
Let’s say someone goes out one night and forgets to lock their door. Or doesn’t lock it on purpose only to come home to find their home ransacked by criminals. Shoulda locked your door right? Nope, not your fault because this is burglary culture we live in. Don’t tell me to lock my door tell criminals not to steal!
Okay so, the general feminist response to that logic is: “well, women are getting raped every which way. When they get off the bus, or out of a cab, or by a family member or a friend. Women are getting raped out of nowhere at every corner and every moment. Women are constantly getting raped always in all ways at all times forever.” I suppose they’re more referring to victims who could not have avoided being raped, and to not blame them for it. I don’t think they’re referring really to advice of “don’t dress this way, don’t go here etc” as much as they’re referring to families that let rape go on because they just don’t want to deal with it.
It’s a big mess, and both sides aren’t really listening to each other. To be fair, feminism often has a vagueness about it where they aren’t specific enough and too emotional.
On one hand yeah, some rape is out of the blue and some other times it’s a big planned deception and yeah, probably sometimes totally unavoidable besides doing something drastic like locking yourself away under a blanket and not living life, or a chastity belt or those tampons with spikes! Or a gun! Or a gun attached to your arm that is triggered by rape!
So from this logic, girls are getting scared. Scared of being a girl because rape is imminent if you have a vagina and all men and only men rape. They’re gonna get you no matter what so you should be afraid of all men and be afraid to go out past 6pm. Be afraid to talk to men, look at men, take the bus, buy groceries. Be afraid of men in general. At least this is the vibe I get from this whole thing. If feminism is supposed to be about treating the genders equally why do they always ignore men completely? It’s kind of making women dislike men for the actions of a few rapists (and I’d bet women rape almost as much as men, or the same amount. maybe even more because they’re said to not rape, thus giving them power to get away with it better but who really knows for sure?)
But really? Are women getting raped like that all the time? More than men? More than children? Who knows, I guess it doesn’t matter who gets raped more! We should probably focus on rape as a whole not just man to woman rape.
I think I got sidetracked there, what I want to say is that that typical response to the ‘burglary culture’ logic rebuttal has some decent validity in it. Sometimes you are just the victim and you got fucked over and that you shouldn’t be blamed for it. Of course you shouldn’t you’ve been through enough already, but you should still be careful! I don’t think it’s a good thing to be promoting the “I do what I want! mmmmhmmm!” attitude without being like “whoa whoa, srsly though you shouldn’t walk through rapeville in crimetown USA alone after dark and you probably shouldn’t dress like a ‘slut’ if you don’t want to attract at least some negative attention” You can still prevent rape to a degree. We still can’t just yell and scream at rapists telling them not to rape. I guarantee they won’t really listen. Some rapists don’t even know that they’re actually raping anyone because rape is such a broad term now!
My real problem and a solution we should try is thus: Stop pretending like men can not be sexually discriminated against. Stop pretending like men are guilty of all rape. Have some faith in the justice system. Realize that women are just as guilty of just about all crime ever as men are. Basically, stop being sexist while trying to fight sexism. Include men in everything you do because it effects them too. Feminism at it’s core is the belief that the genders should be treated equally. If that’s the case why is it called feminism? Why is it mostly occupied by mostly women and focussed solely on women if it’s really about both genders? One of the best things you can do is invent a new label for the good kind of feminism, or, not use the term feminist at all. Just refer to yourselves as egalitarians or human rights activists. More men will join up. They won’t feel out of place. More women will join, they won’t feel like they’re joining a one sided nut group. If this happens we’ll have a good number of both genders and this way either side’s issues won’t be overlooked, and also solved more quickly.
I really think we can get through this if we work together under one banner. We will figure out the gender issues of the world together. Having MRAs and feminism as separate things is separating us further! it’s turning us against each other and it is flat out school yard level childishness.
If being told to be careful while out at night is part of rape culture…
Does that mean that being told to lock your doors at night is part of burglary culture?
If I’m told to look both ways before crossing the road, is that part of dangerous driving culture?
Is telling a child not to get in cars with strangers part of pedophile culture?
Does it mean that being told not to give your bank details to people is part of fraud culture?
Or that being told to lock your car is part of theft culture?
Guess what? People are dicks, and there are always going to be burglars, dangerous drivers, pedophiles, fraudsters, thieves, and yes, rapists. All of these crimes are looked down on by both the law and our culture, and there are definitely none that are condoned or encouraged by our society, especially rape which is usually seen as on par with or worse than murder.
Receiving basic safety advice to protect yourself from bad people is not the same as bad people being given the go-ahead to do what they want to whoever they want.
If you’re really naive enough to say “society teaches people not to get raped, when it should teach people not to rape”, well, guess what, it already does. Some people just don’t listen.
However crying means yes in BDSM circles
so does most of these
safewords are safe kids
the clues in the name
“BDSM IS A TERRIBLE THING THAT MEN INVENTED AND IS MISOGYNISTIC EVEN THOUGH THE WOMEN ARE CONSENTING” -something I have ACTUALLY heard
Almost all of these do NOT mean ‘no’ in many situations.
The names have been changed to protect my friends.
An ex-roommate of mine, Marge, had a huge crush on one of my friends, Bruce. Bruce and his best friend Tom were roommates during college and they hung out with Marge a few times. They liked her well enough, but Bruce did not have the same feelings for Marge at all and she knew it.
One night, Marge got a hold of some weed and invited the boys to smoke with her. They agreed, so she went over to their apartment. They smoked and drank for a while and were having fun, and Marge kept encouraging Bruce to keep smoking and drinking more and more while keeping herself relatively sober. Eventually, Bruce was so intoxicated that he literally couldn’t move or speak.
Tom said that he was tired, and Marge all but shoved him into his room to make him go to bed, leaving her alone with Bruce. When she was sure that Tom was asleep, she got naked, went over to Bruce, and started taking his clothes off. He was absolutely horrified.
She started having her way with him, trying to get him turned on. She began performing oral sex on him and after that, began to have sex with him. Remember, he was so intoxicated that he couldn’t even move or speak. He kept trying to say, “NO!” and to shove her away, but the most he could muster was a limp flailing of his arms and mumbling. It took him a few minutes to be able to actually shove her away and tell her to stop.
And she was shocked. She planned this whole thing, thinking that she could just have her way with him if he were intoxicated, knowing full well that he wanted nothing to do with her in any sexual or romantic sense. To this day, she doesn’t understand why Bruce and Tom hate her guts and refuse to have anything to do with her. I am no longer friends with her, either.
Dear God… our streets are CRAWLING with rapists!!!!
You know, when I talk about “magic tricks” with feminism a lot of people don’t get what I’m talking about. I’m going to use this opportunity to spell it out. The above is a magic trick. It’s complete fabricated bullshit. It’s a lie. Even if the statistics are predicated on truth (i.e. roughly 50% of reported rapes really do end in an arrest..), its still all bullshit.
And it’s the Rape Sorcery bullshit that makes it so dangerous. Because someone who WANTS to believe this shit will never stop to analyze it. They’ll accept the Voodoo without questioning it. Have you figured it out yet?
The sleight of hand here is right at the very beginning. In clever misdirection it never gives you the chance to ask “Did a rape actually occur”? No. It ASSUMES that if a woman reported a rape then a rape occurred. In other words it’s based on feminine infallibility. Furthermore, it’s based on the notion of guilty before innocent. The police get it wrong, the courts get it wrong, everyone gets it wrong… but not her. If *she* says you’re a rapist, according to the above, you are a motherfucking rapist.
You’re a rapist because she says you are, not because you committed a crime or actually raped someone. She is judge and jury alone, and all the above is about is whether the public fails or succeeds at its part as executioner by doing the smart thing and agreeing with her.
That’s the magic trick. That’s Rape Sorcery. Some would turn staves into snakes but much more impressive is turning an innocent person into a criminal in the blink of a meme. Meet feminism.
omfg SORCERY that is the most fitting word ever wow