Let me start off making a claim that is supported fully by the scientific community: Women are choosier than men in sexual partners and sex is a female resource. Said differently, women control the supply of sex and men generate the demand for sex. Because of this - in normal heterosexual relationships, it is less damaging for the male to cheat than it is for the female. It isn’t black and white. To keep my argument grounded and supported, let me provide you with a link before I continue:
Now - to fully understand the argument I’m going to present, you would need to research the topic yourself and see all of the individual studies - but if you were to read that full article I provided, you would be given a solid foundation.
Men have to compete with one another aggressively for female attention and ultimately sex. Women set the standard requirements and criteria for men to reach in order to achieve sex. Then it’s up to men to fight each other in tests such as gaining wealth, power, dominance, social status in order to rank highly or go in front of the line for female attention. Men may have standards, but they are generally more flexible and dynamic than women’s. Said differently, the average female has much higher standards than the average male. It’s all fun and easy to say “men just want young women with big breasts” - but are you thinking below the surface? The only men who could afford to have such standards are the men who can have their pick of women - what types of men are these? Well, let’s explore. According to scientific research, women are attracted to dominance, social status, wealth, power, and charm. Of course described by a woman, these things are verbalized as “confident, funny, goals in life, etc.”. But changing their names do not change their definition - they represent the top 1% of men. Highly educated, affluent, and wealthy men are sought after by ALL women. This is your female equivalent of “men just want young women with big breasts” - well, women just want “doctors and lawyers and deep pockets”. These polarizing, outlandish statements mask the science really going on behind the scenes of courtship.
Let’s dive a little deeper - why are women choosier than men when it comes to sex? Well, it’s biology. Women bear the greater liability from sex - they risk pregnancy. Now obviously there are millions of means today to defer pregnancy, but how do you “defer” thousands of years of evolution? Women have a finite number of eggs in their lifetime, their reproductive window is much smaller than a males. A male has the ability to produce sperm through the span of his lifetime, and hypothetically could bear offspring throughout his entire life. Not that that would be a good idea today with child support laws - but you should be getting the picture now. If evolution is correct, and it truly is survival of the fittest - it is advantageous to men to reproduce their genetic material as frequently and with as multiple partners as necessary. And it is advantageous to females to be very selective, the liability is greater and they only want to share this liability with the strongest, most stable man who displays dominance - a signal that he is capable of providing for her and her offspring.
Obviously these are not terms men and women discuss before deciding on whether or not going on a date - but to think they are simply “deciding on whether or not to go on a date” is naive and a bit silly. There are gears in motion that perpetuate human sexuality and all sexuality on this earth.
Let’s zoom back out. Now we are looking at two average people - 1 average male and 1 average female. The definition of average in this case is as follows - the female is not Cameron Dias, but she is also not Roseanne. The male is not Brad Pitt, but he is also not the 50 year old mexican janitor at your kid’s middle school. There are some broad assumptions we can make about these two average individuals. The female is presumably looking for two things, commitment and as close to Brad Pitt as she can get. Will she ever get Brad Pitt? Of course not, that is why I said “as close to Brad Pitt” as she can get. What does this mean exactly? She wants a man who is confident, attractive, stable, high achieving, and dominate. Brad Pitt - and the other 1% of all men, are benchmarks for these qualities. Her goal is to get as close to those qualities as she can. What does she have to trade? Her wonderful kind personality? Uh oh, we’ve come full circle. Are the Donald Trumps and Brad Pitt’s of the world settling for a good personality? Here is where the “all men want is young women and huge breasts” argument comes in - the top of 1% of men want that, because they can get it.
That brings us to the average guy in our story. We can assume that he is looking for a couple of things too - hot women, and great sex. His benchmark? Cameron Dias. Is he going to ever get Cameron Dias? lol. I don’t think so. So down the ladder he goes, just like our lady friend we talked about earlier. Is it this black and white? Does the man not care about personality, humor, charm, ambition, etc. at all? Of course he does, he just ranks those qualities lower than the woman does. What does this guy have to trade to win over Cameron Dias? Not much, certainly not as much as Brad Pitt has to offer. So logic dictates that instead of continuing to aspire for celebrities, athletes, doctors, etc. - these two average people make like the rest of the population, and settle for one another.
The above paragraph leaves out a key point. Have you ever heard the saying - “A key that opens many locks is a master key, but a lock that is opened by many keys is just a bad lock”? This explains the double standard that you often here women complain about - which is, “why are men praised for multiple sexual partners, and why are women scorned”? The reason is simple, it’s easier for a woman to find a male sexual partner than it is for a male. A females sexuality is valuable, where as an average males sexuality is not valuable. Brad Pitt’s sexuality is valuable, but only because of supporting factors. A females sexuality is always valuable, maybe not to the 1% of men who can have their pick - but what about to the remaining 99% of men? Proof of concept? Try creating an ad as a female requesting the attention of a male on Craigslist. Then create the same, except this time make it a male requesting the attention of a female. What ad do you think will receive the most replies? Let’s examine another proof of concept. Prostitution. Is prostitution a world wide male epidemic or world wide female epidemic? Why is female prostitution profitable for women, but not men? If men love sex, and that’s all they care about - wouldn’t heterosexual prostitution be a dream job? It can’t be, because women have higher standards for who has sex with them. The asymmetry list here is endless, I’m sure you get the point.
And so, now that we know some of the little gears, mechanics, wires, and lights that power human sexuality - let’s look at why a man would possibly cheat. Considering the economic implications of all we have talked about so far - we can draw the conclusion that male sexuality does not have inherent social value like female sexuality does. Let’s go back and highlight the main exchange again that is taking place - a male is trading his social status, dominance, confidence, wealth, and attention for the females sexuality (not that he doesn’t enjoy his girlfriend or wife’s personality, but they are just ranked lower than their sexuality - sorry, science isn’t into making friends or being politically correct). If a man cheats on a woman, what is he “giving away” and what is the woman worried about losing? Is it his sexuality? Ask that question to bored housewives and you’ll enjoy a laugh. No, they are worried about him potentially leaving them for another woman. What would the woman lose if the man were to leave her? His social status, dominance, attention, wealth, commitment, etc. That is what is being threatened. Give the man enough time and the green light - and he’ll happily share his sexuality with both of you, but that’s a much harder deal when you ask him to share his wallet.
vSo in here lies the dilemma. Are you really upset that he’s screwing another woman? Or are you upset that you’re not getting the attention that this other woman is getting? Having sex is not the same as “leaving you”. Leaving you would mean he would have, well, left you. He’s not though, he’s still with you, but he is “cheating”. He is sharing his sexuality with another woman, but has not indicated that he wants to leave you, that’s why he is cheating to begin with. So he can have both. Because his sexuality is worthless, what do you care that he is having sex with another woman? Assuming that he is being safe about it, and not risking disease or pregnancy. The bottom line is that his sexuality is not what is important to you - it’s his commitment. Men can separate sexuality from commitment. They can masturbate, have sex with multiple people, and still be married to just one individual.